Hurrah for Batman!
by PineappleGrenade
Summary: Good, clean, old-fashioned fun with a little bit of naughtiness thrown in for good luck. Join Batman and Robin as they investigate a series of strange happenings that lead to an abandoned warehouse. Can they work out what’s going on before it’s too late?
1. Chapter 1

**It's another glorious day in Gotham City. As the good citizens go about their work, two familiar faces also begin theirs. These familiar faces belong to none other than Batman and Robin, protectors of fair Gotham. Out in the street of the bustling metropolis, the dynamic duo are keeping vigil, cruising around in the legendary Batmobile to make sure that all is well. Rest assured, nothing bad will happen with these two on the prowl. Gotham City is in good hands…**

"Gosh darn it Batman, does my bum look big in this?"

The Caped Crusader negotiated a sharp turn, taking his eyes off of the road just long enough to run a cursory glance over his youthful ward Dick Grayson, who was currently in the guise of Robin – faithful sidekick to Batman and one half of the dynamic duo. He looked quickly back up again, surveying the bank across the street with narrowed eyes to make sure that no criminal activity was going on.

"You look alright, Robin." He answered in his pensive way, tightening his grip on the Batmobile's steering wheel.

The Boy Wonder scowled and slumped back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest. "It just doesn't make any sense. How come all I have to wear is knickers, but you get tights _and_ knickers?"

One of Batman's hands left the wheel to almost self-consciously tug his utility belt a little higher. "You'll understand when you're older, old chum. As you… grow as a crime-fighter and start to become popular in your own right, then you too may get your very own pair of tights." The corners of his mouth, the only fully visible feature of his chiselled face, quirked very slightly in a paternalistic smile.

A few people in the streets stopped and waved upon seeing the Caped Crusader's trusty steed vigilantly patrolling. Robin pointedly looked away from the friendly pedestrians, leaning his elbow on the arm rest in the door and resting his chin on his palm. Fidgeting uncomfortably in the passenger seat, he tried to rearrange the knickers that formed the lower half of his costume, discreetly tugging at the leg holes and adjusting himself as best he could.

After a few moments of silent driving he demanded to know "Why can't we wear pants like normal people?"

"Because, old chum, we are crime-fighters," Batman patiently started to explain, but was interrupted by an insistent beeping coming from the complicated array of switches and dials on the dashboard. A red light flashed on and off in sync with the noise. "Ah, the Bat-scanner seems to have picked something up."

This seemed to agitate the young passenger. He sat up straighter and rammed one gloved fist into the palm of his other hand, his eyes blazing. "Holy trademark, that's another thing. How come everything is named after _you_? The _Bat_-scanner, the _Bat_mobile, the _Bat_-phone. Why don't I have anything named after me? Like the Robin-copter, the Robin-rope, the Robin-nest."

"Because," and here Batman indulged in a full smile, "you're just the sidekick. I'm the brains, muscle and looks of this outfit. The show is named after me, ergo so is everything else."

"Ergo yourself, you old queen."

"Who's the one running around in his knickers, Boy Wonderbra?"

Gotham City was spared the humiliation of its two protectors breaking into a full scale bitch-slapping and hair-pulling fight by the Bat-car-phone thankfully choosing that moment to start ringing. Both crime-fighters sat back in their seats and simultaneously tugged on the cuffs of their gloves to straighten them out. Robin glared out of the window whilst Batman answered the phone.

"Yes, Commissioner?" He paused to listen, watching the road ahead with a peculiar intensity, occasionally glancing down to check on his various bat-instruments. "Yes, I'm on my way. Gotham Pat-O-Cake Bakery, 53rd Street." He replaced the phone in its cradle with a ponderous gentleness then turned the Batmobile around so sharply that Robin was thrown against the inside of the passenger door, bruising his shoulder.

"That's _it_ Batman, you're applesauce!" The incensed sidekick struggled furiously against his seatbelt, clenched fists raised in a classical fighting stance, but Batman imperially held up a hand in a halting gesture.

"No time for fighting each other, we've got crime to fight."

"Right!"

**Outside Pat-O-Cake Bakery…**

Commissioner Gordon and Police Chief O'Haara loitered outside of the bakery, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Batman. With his back firmly to the wanton destruction that lay behind him, Gordon shaded his eyes with a hand, scanning the street first one way and then the other. The road remained empty, stubbornly and worryingly so. He lowered his hand and occupied himself with checking his watch instead, biting the inside of his cheek in consternation.

"It's not like Batman to take so long…" He fretted quietly to O'Haara who was hovering just over his shoulder like a concerned mother hen taking its sickly chick out into the yard for the first time.

"There he is t'be sure!" The Irishman suddenly exclaimed jubilantly, pointing down the street with one hand and clutching Gordon's upper arm with the other. "Lord love us, t'ere he is."

And sure enough the trusty Batmobile raced, shining bright in the mid-morning sun, over the horizon and pulled up in front of the bakery. In a show of energetic heroism, the Caped Crusader himself launched his lithe body over the driver's-side door on one hand without stopping to open it. Not to be outdone, Robin leapt over the windshield onto the bonnet of the open-topped vehicle. Graceful and sure-footed as any mountain goat, he negotiated across the front of the car to land lightly on the pavement beside his adult counterpart. There they stood, those two paragons of virtue, ready to fight for truth and justice. It did Gordon's heart good to know that they were on his side.

"I'm sorry we're late Commissioner, there was a lot of… traffic." Batman apologised with a meaningful look at his sidekick that was lost on the two policemen.

"Not to worry, Batman. We're just glad you're here now."

"What seems to be the trouble, Commissioner?" Tugging on his gauntlets to straighten them, the bat-detective looked around the scene, taking in the bakery's smashed windows, gutted shop front and ruined merchandise, reaching a conclusion about what had happened before Gordon had even started to draw breath to speak with.

"Just over thirty minutes ago, someone broke into this bakery and made off with a tonne of icing, half a tonne of self-raising flour and a crate of candles."

Batman considered this a moment, his left hand cradled beneath the right armpit and the index finger of his free hand curled over his chin in an attitude of deep and profound thought. All eyes were on him as he turned the Commissioner's words over in his great and complex mind. After a moment he smiled paternally and strode into what was left of the bakery, stepping through the empty hole in the wall where a window had been up until recently in one easy movement. "And that's all that was taken?"

"Why yes, I believe so."

The two policemen and the Boy Wonder congregated outside the gaping window, watching Batman make his way over to the cash register. The unfortunate cashier who had been on duty at the time of the robbery was still tied up behind the counter where the brazen thieves had left him. "No glace cherries? No sprinkles? No… money was taken?" The crime-fighter asked as he came to a stop beside the trussed-up man, who looked up hopefully.

"No. Just the icing, the flour and the… the candles," O'Haara counted off on his fingers.

Robin glanced up at the police chief, then smacked a fist into his palm in an open denouncement of crime.

Ever the gentleman, even if he was dressed as a bat, the Caped Crusader nodded a polite greeting to the cashier on the floor. "May I?" He asked, laying a hand on the cash register's drawer, preparing to pull it open for a closer inspection.

The cashier, victim of a heinous and inexplicable crime, nodded his acquiescence and said what sounded like "Be my guest, Batman" through the gag over his mouth.

The drawer was opened with a cheerful little 'ding' and come out stocked with clean, untouched money. Batman reached down a gloved hand and fanned the crisp, green notes through his fingers, a look of concentration on his face. Leaving the money and closing the drawer, he then held his gloved fingers up in front of his eyes and inspected them minutely before briskly rubbing his fingertips and thumb together in the manner of one sprinkling salt over simmering soup that needs seasoning.

"A crime without the motive of wealth…" he mused slowly, glancing up at the three others who stood watching him breathlessly.

"Holy Sherwood!" Robin burst out suddenly, a frown on his youthful face. "Just what kind of a joke are these crooks trying to pull?"

"Whatever it is, it would appear that the joke is on us," Gordon opined with all the mournfulness of a basset hound. To show his agreement, O'Haara took off his hat and hung his head.

"A joke…" Batman echoed thoughtfully, glancing down at the hand he had inspected so closely but a moment ago. "Of course!" He exclaimed triumphantly, curling that same hand into a fist and thumping it down on the counter the cash till sat upon. "The Joker is behind this! Who else would have the temerity to carry out such a bizarre crime?"

O'Haara's head came up sharply, his eyes alight with new energy and vigour. "Of course! But what is he planning?"

A general pensiveness came over the group as they considered this.

"He's obviously got something cooking up…" Robin pondered out loud in reference to the items that had been stolen.

Batman assumed his favourite thinking pose, too wrapped up in the mystery to notice the cashier at his feet rocking from side to side, frantically trying to get the hero's attention. "Yes… and with the size of his ingredients list I wouldn't be surprised if he was entertaining accomplices. A tonne of icing is a lot for anyone, even the Joker, to handle alone."

"But who?"

Robin didn't seem to have heard the Commissioner's question. He was staring up at the awning of the bakery in a world of his own. "Pat-O-Cake Bakery…" he read aloud, sounding the words out with a thoughtful slowness almost rival to the Batman's manner of speaking. "Pat-O-Cake!" His eyes lit up and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet, catching his fist in an open palm. Everyone looked at him for enlightenment. "'Pat-o-cake, pat-o-cake, baker's man' – it's a children's nursery rhyme, and what else do children like? Jokes and riddles!"

Gordon gasped. "You don't mean… Not, the Riddler?"

"That's exactly who I mean, Commissioner."

"Very good, Robin." Batman looked with a proud fondness upon his protégé and for that moment the argument between them that morning was forgiven and forgotten.

"Saints preserve us!" said O'Haara who hadn't spoken in a while and wanted to remind everyone that he was still there.

"Quick Robin, to the Batmobile! We'll go to the Batcave and work out what the Joker and Riddler's next move will be from there."

The dynamic duo sprinted for the Batmobile and leapt nimbly into their seats on the respective sides. "I'll let you know if we find anything!" Batman called back to the Commissioner as he put the sleek black vehicle into gear and sped away in a cloud of righteous dust.

"There goes Gotham City's finest inhabitant, God bless him." O'Haara murmured in awe as he watched the distinctive Batmobile race out of sight on its latest crime-fighting mission. He took off his hat as a mark of respect and held it to his chest as he wiped a shining tear from the corner of his eye.

"I don't know what we'd do without him," Gordon emphatically agreed. "Do you think he suspected anything?"

"Not a t'ing, sir, not a t'ing."

With that, the two pillars of policing got into their car and drove off back to the station, leaving the hapless cashier wild-eyed and alone, tied up behind the counter and completely forgotten about.


	2. Chapter 2

**In the Bat****cave, the dynamic duo are hard at work…**

Robin stood at the bat-computer, trying to think of any confectionary crimes from history to feed into the machine as a clue. Giving it the words 'Pat-O-Cake Bakery' had only turned up the bakery's address and the fact that it had been robbed just that morning. Since they already knew that, it was no help whatsoever. His mind beginning to wander, he envisaged replacing the bat-computer's label with one proudly emblazoned with the legend 'Robin-computer'.

And that was when the idea hit him.

"I've had an idea, Bruce! Why-"

"Batman."

"Sorry. _Batman_."

"What is it, Dick?"

"Robin."

"_Robin_."

"Holy mix-up, what is it Batman?"

Slowly, the Caped Crusader lifted his cowled head from the bat-microscope eyepiece he had been poring over. One of his gantlets were sandwiched between the specimen table and the magnifying lens where he had been studying it, the arm part dangling forlornly over the edge of the table. "Do you have something to tell me, old chum?" He asked his sidekick, fixing him with his penetrating gaze.

"Yes. I was thinking we should check all known hideouts of Joker and Riddler to see if we can catch them in the act!"

Batman dubiously glanced down at his bat-microscope, absently adjusting a few screws. "I don't think there _is_ an act to catch them in."

"What do you mean?"

Deft, able fingers adjusted the focus on the bat-microscope, Batman's eye fixed to the eyepiece as if he hadn't heard the question directed to him. Robin waited a little impatiently for the older man's full attention and was finally rewarded with a crooked, de-gloved finger beckoning him over.

"Look in there and tell me what you see." Sitting up straight, Batman pushed his chair back across the floor to make room.

His eye obediently occupying the place his mentor's had just vacated, Robin cautiously ventured "It looks like Joker's own brand of laughing powder he created. How did it get on your glove?"

His conclusion was indeed correct. Trapped amongst the fibres on the fingertips of Batman's glove, magnified into easy visibility by the bat-microscope, were bright green specks of powder. The very powder that the Joker had manufactured in order to aid him in his crimes by making anyone nearby at the time of the crime burst into a fit of laughter so powerful that it left the victim completely debilitated and unable to apprehend the madman.

"It is my belief that it rubbed off onto it from the money. The very money that was in the cash till of the allegedly burgled Pat-O-Cake Bakery." Dramatically, Batman stood up and tugged his glove free of the magnifying contraption. Mindful of Robin's uncomprehending stare, he pulled the gauntlet on over his hand and continued with his line of reasoning. "If Joker's laughing powder was on the money, and the money was in the till, then we can only assume that Joker and Riddler _paid_ for the goods. The Bakery wasn't robbed at all."

"Gosh, Batman! Then why was the cashier tied up?"

"That's the missing piece of this puzzle. I think we'd better go back to the bakery and talk to the cashier again. I get the distinct feeling that he wasn't telling us everything he knew the first time around. To the Batmobile!"

**Hot on the trail, Batman and Robin race through Gotham's streets towards Pat-O-Cake Bakery… **

"The bat-scanner is beeping again."

Pulling into a side street and letting the engine die, Batman leant down and tapped the flashing red light. It continued to flash and beep regardless. "Strange," he mused, "it's not corresponding to any criminal activity that I can work out."

"You don't know why it's signalling?" The Boy Wonder asked in surprise.

"No I don't, Robin. But I'm sure I'll be able to work out what is wrong with it once we've gotten to the bottom of this Pat-O-Cake mystery."

Satisfied with that, Robin sat back and fiddled with his gloves. Listening to Batman at his side pressing buttons and flicking switches in a final attempt to work out what the bat-scanner was trying to tell them, the younger half of the dynamic duo leant his chin on his palm and stared vacantly out of the window. The street, dedicated to various shops and boutiques, was curiously empty. Checking the time he saw that it was nowhere near closing time and something in his observant brain kicked into gear.

"Batman…" He began, but was distracted by movement coming from a jeweller's window. His sharpened eyesight detected the glint of sun flashing off a glass surface about the size and shape of a monocle, cigarette smoke drifting in the air and the flash of a silver-handled umbrella. It could only mean one thing!

"Batman! The Penguin is robbing that jewellers."

"Then we shall… apprehend him immediately."

No sooner had these words been spoken than the two crime-fighters leapt from the stationary and legally-parked Batmobile, and raced across the street to the jewellers.

Bursting dramatically through the door they startled the villain known as Penguin, because of his beaked nose and distinctive gait, in the act of filling a black sack with priceless diamonds from a display case. There were no signs of legal transaction in sight – this one was most definitely a bonafide robbery.

"Stop right there, Penguin" the Caped Crusader demanded loudly, a superior smile on his face. With one hand he pushed the door behind him closed, allowing it to shut with a bang that sounded the final notes of a blocked escape route.

The thieving fowl jumped, dropping the half-full sack of diamonds and letting out a shocked "Waugh-waugh-waugh!" A noise reminiscent of the flightless bird he took his name from. Snatching the cigarette holder from his mouth, lest that priceless commodity also be dropped, he waddled around to face the crime-fighters. "You. What are you doing here?" he asked imperiously, a leer on his plump face.

"Just doing our duty to the city Penguin, I'm sure you understand." Batman tilted his head in a sardonic gesture of respect, his eyes on the diamonds he knew he must retrieve. At his side, Robin was tensed in preparation for the unavoidable fight that was to come.

"Hah," Penguin replied truculently, inhaling on the end of his cigarette holder. "You'll never take me alive." Backing up a couple of steps, he suddenly shouted "Ice cube! Glacier!"

On cue, the Penguin's two henchmen appeared from a door that led to the jeweller's back room. Immediately upon spotting the dynamic duo, the thugs ran towards them, fists raised in readiness for a fight. Thoroughly used to such greetings, Batman and Robin dropped into defensive stances, sizing up their adversaries in one swift glance. The henchmen bent low as they came closer to their targets, preparing to tackle them and bring them to the ground. Instead, they found themselves each running into a foot as with perfect timing, the caped crusaders brought up a leg in a ruthlessly effective kick.

_Pow!_

Penguin backed up against the wall, his face twisted in anger as he watched his henchmen fall to the floor under the force of the kick they had been delivered. He snarled excitedly when Glacier, the stockier of the two, staggered uncertainly to his feet, snatched up a wood-panelled display box and brought it crashing down over the Batman's head. But his excitement turned to sour disappointment once again when the masked hero dodged the blow, diving forwards to smartly punch Glacier in the jaw, sending the henchman reeling backwards.

_Blam!_

Seeing that if he wanted anything done right, he would have to do it himself, Penguin brandished his trusty umbrella and waddled at speed towards his bat-eared foe. In a stroke of luck, he was able to catch the hero off guard. The umbrella, held horizontally with one end in each of Penguin's hands, caught Batman full in the chest.

Watching the effect his blow had had on Glacier, Batman had been unable to see the attack coming and was knocked off balance. He fell into a waist-high display cabinet and found himself being bent painfully backwards across it.

_Crack!_

From his disadvantageous position, he looked wildly around for Robin but was unable to locate him. His attention was brought back into more immediate focus by Penguin, snarling viciously, bringing the umbrella up beneath Batman's throat in order to strangle the Caped Crusader. Thinking fast, Batman grabbed hold of the umbrella's cold nylon folds just as it reached his Adam's apple, putting all his weight behind bringing both his legs up in a well-placed kick to the murderous bird's ample abdomen. The pressure was immediately released as bird and umbrella went tumbling out of sight to the floor.

_Kapow!_

Whilst all that had been going on, Ice cube and Glacier had managed to recover from their injuries sufficiently enough to pick up the Boy Wonder between them and attempt to stuff him kicking and struggling, headfirst into a giant diamond-polishing machine that stood in a corner of the jewellers.

Hearing Robin's frantic cries for help and having rid himself of the threat of Penguin's attack, Batman leapt up onto the surface of the counter he had until recently been pinned against by an umbrella. Jumping up he was able to catch hold of a hanging light fixture and swing across the room Tarzan-like to his helpless partner. There was time to reflect on how it never ceased to amaze him how even the shortest wire on a light fixture always seemed able to stretch to exactly the right length to allow him to swing to wherever he needed to be in a room, before his outstretched feet connected with the backs of the two henchmen's heads, knocking them to the floor.

_Yeouch!_

He landed lightly on the floor and grabbed hold of Robin's waist, pulling him out of the dangerous-looking polisher. With his feet firmly back on solid ground, Robin thanked the older man in a civil, business-like manner before they got down to the more important matter of downing these criminals once and for all.

This turned out to be fairly easy. Working like a piece of well-oiled clockwork, Batman securely grabbed his sidekick by the hand and swung him around in a wide arc. Hurtling through the air with just his mentor's hand to guide him, Robin struck fierce and true at the two henchmen just as they were picking themselves up off the floor for the final time.

_Biff!_

They crumpled back down, unconscious. Also back on the ground after his brief but brilliant trajectory, Robin shook hands with the Caped Crusader, appreciating with him the satisfaction of a fight well fought and won. With that gesture of mutual respect over with, he ran to the jeweller's phone, cape billowing out behind him, to alert the police to the presence of the felled criminals like the good citizen he was.

Batman watched him for a moment with a fond smile, and then suddenly remembered the Penguin. His head whipped around the interior of the shop in a comprehensive search but Penguin was gone, along with the sack of diamonds. Calling out urgently to Robin, he raced out into the street just in time to see Penguin and the stolen diamonds rendezvousing outside an expensive belt shop with another familiar-faced criminal.

"Catwoman!" he exclaimed quietly to himself, for that was indeed the villainess Penguin was stood with. His heart gave a strange little flutter that he couldn't put down to fatigue as he began running across the road towards the two animal-themed lawbreakers. Luckily, there was no time to stop and analyse the feeling.

As he approached the pair, who had been engrossed in exchanging bags of what was no doubt stolen loot, they heard him and looked up. Penguin was off and running within seconds of spotting Batman, trailing triumphant laughter like dust from his retreating heels; but Catwoman froze along with the Caped Crusader. Their eyes met and each stared deep into the other's gaze, everything else ceasing to matter for that one precious moment. They could have remained like that for eternity, locked in each other's eyes, were it not for Robin running up at that moment and breaking the spell with a hoarse shout.

Time reasserted itself in a rush. The dynamic duo lunged together at Catwoman, who hissed ferally, snatched up her loot and disappeared with feline swiftness. Unable to see where she had gone, the two crime-fighters split up without a word and made a quick search of all the alleys, fire escape ladders and man hole covers in the immediate area, but had to return to the spot outside the belt shop admitting defeat. Catwoman and Penguin had vanished into thin air. There wasn't a single trace of them, except…

"What's this?" Something on the ground having caught his hawk-like eye, Batman stooped to retrieve it. Straightening up, he examined the object, which just happened to be a scrap of paper covered in Catwoman's cursive, flowing handwriting. "She must have dropped it…" he said almost to himself.

Robin, one fist cushioned in the palm of his hand, leant into get a closer look. But it was whisked out from under his nose by Batman, who lifted it up closer to his own face under the pretence of having difficulty reading the feminine scrawl, so that he could breathe in the scent of Catwoman's perfume that still clung to the paper. A faint smile passed across his face.

"Party Popper Warehouse, party equipment suppliers, 42nd Street," he read aloud, his tone business-like and alert. He crumpled the scrap of paper up in his hand and let his arm fall by his side. "That must be where they're hiding out." Against his more sentimental will, he glanced up and down the street in search of a litter bin in which to deposit the now-useless ball of paper.

"Gosh Batman, do you think Catwoman and Penguin are working with Joker and Riddler?"

"That wouldn't surprise me, Robin. Criminals are not team players by nature, but when circumstances require they will seek safety and illegal profit in numbers."

Robin nodded, considering this for a moment. "Holy conspiracy, Batman, I'm sure glad I'm not a criminal. I'd rather be dead than pathologically unable to form lasting friendships based on mutual honesty and respect."

"You would, wouldn't you, you sexually-stunted goody-two-shoed snot."

"Pardon, Batman? I didn't quite hear you."

"I said to the Batmobile, old chum. I think it's high time we paid our… friends a little visit."


	3. Chapter 3

**Presently, climbing the walls of Party Popper Warehouse…**

"Why don't we just use the stairs?" Robin gloomily confronted Batman's behind, which was currently waving in his face as the dynamic duo scaled the outside wall of Party Popper Warehouse, climbing hand over hand up a bat-rope secured to the topmost window of the building by a bat-grapple.

"And why do you always go first?" he complained, on the verge of extreme annoyance when the older man suddenly paused and he got a faceful of mauve-knickered bottom. His muffled exclamation sounded something along the lines of "Pffft!"

Holding tightly to the bat-rope, feet braced firmly against the wall, Batman looked down over his shoulder at his sidekick. "Stairs don't have the same element of surprise and we do want to be as discreet as possible in situations such as this." He climbed up a few more steps then stopped unannounced once again. "Besides, it's _very_ good… exercise."

"Right!" Robin spluttered around a rather unappetizing mouthful of something unmentionable.

They climbed on in silence for a few moments, both concentrating on the task at hand.

"It always feels like I'm just walking along a horizontal board on the floor in a crouch, with a camera tilted on its side to make me look like I'm climbing vertically up a wall."

Batman pulled a face. "That's called vertigo, Robin. A lot of people experience it from time to time."

"Ah."

Just then a window beside them opened and a man's head and shoulders popped out. Before the person could speak, Batman held up a one-moment-please finger, hanging onto the bat-rope with just one hand and turned his head to address the boy behind him. "See, Robin? If this was just a horizontal board on the floor then no one would be able to open a window from inside the building, lean out and talk to us, would they?"

"You're right, Batman." Robin agreed a little sheepishly. "Gosh, do I feel stupid now."

"It's alright, old chum," Batman reassured the Boy Wonder kindly. "It's the mark of an intelligent mind to question things. Now…" and here he turned back to the person leaning out of the window, "can we help you?"

"Yeah you can help me, Caped Mistakes; you can keep the noise down. Some of us are trying to sleep!" The whiskered, heavily jowled face of a man wearing a cap that marked him out as the warehouse's janitor bawled into Batman's face.

"My apologies, good citizen. We shall try to proceed as quietly as possible from hereon in. Oh, and to save us a climb, you wouldn't happen to know if there is a group of villains hiding out on the top floor, would you?"

The janitor answered Batman's polite question by loudly slamming the window shut.

"Gee, what a rude man!"

The Caped Crusader nodded sadly. "He's working class, Robin, he can't help it. We can only pity him. Come on, we only have a little way left to go."

High above the climbing crime-fighters another window was opened, this time by a skinny man sporting bright green hair. Hanging onto the catch, he leaned precariously far out of it, looking down at the two steadily approaching figures. "Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha!" he exploded, ducking back into the room and pulling the window shut. "They're coming, they're coming! Shh, everyone, shh! Quickly, turn off the lights!"

The warehouse's top floor was plunged into darkness.

A few moments later there were a few scuffling noises at the window before it burst open and the dynamic duo leapt into the room. Landing in defensive fighting stances, too late did they realise how dark it was. A trap had been sprung and they'd walked straight into it!

Instinctively, Batman started to edge towards his partner so that they could watch each other's backs. He encountered nothing but thin air. Silently cursing his night vision for taking so long to kick in, he whirled around, arms anxiously outstretched in the hopes of finding Robin. But he was alone.

"Lights!"

A hum of electricity filled the air and a split second later the building's interior was flooded with light. The sudden change caused purple spots to spring up in front of Batman's eyes. He blinked furiously, trying to clear his vision. What swam into focus was the most bizarre sight he had ever seen, and he'd witnessed Robin being devoured by a giant clam. Surrounding him in a rough semi-circle was Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman, Commissioner Gordon, Police Chief O'Haara, Alfred, the cashier from earlier and Robin! He blinked some more.

"Surprise!" The group chorused, its harmonics threatened by a few villainous laughs and a familiar "Waugh-waugh-waugh!"

"What -?"

Robin stepped forwards, separating himself from the group. Grinning from ear to ear, he gently took Batman by the arm and pulled him forwards. "It's your birthday, Batman."

"My… birthday?" The Caped Crusader seemed confused.

"Indeed sir," Alfred spoke up in his cultured tones. "And we all decided to get together and throw you a surprise birthday party."

"That's what the alert was going off for in the Batmobile. It wasn't the bat-scanner at all; it was the memorable date alarm." The Boy Wonder explained.

"And you knew that all the time?"

"Of course," Robin grinned mischievously.

Something finally seemed to click in Batman's brain. "My birthday. Of course! I've been so busy lately that I forgot all about it."

"And this is the man who manages to foil all of our best laid plans?" The Riddler, who was wearing a pink party hat, said in an incredulous undertone. When everyone turned to glare at him he smiled apologetically and blew into a party blower.

He froze when Batman suddenly started towards him, the blower quietly deflating and curling back in on itself. Batman's hand landed heavily on his shoulder and the riddle-obsessed criminal's blue eyes widened impossibly in an expression of comical surprise.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, it's very nice of you all to have arranged all this, but I really must cancel the party. Two of you, you Riddler and Joker, are under arrest for criminal damage; Penguin and Catwoman, you are under arrest for burglary. I wouldn't be doing my duty as a law-abiding citizen if I allowed you to remain free, even for the duration of my surprise birthday party."

A kind of shocked silence followed this righteous outburst. It was broken by the Joker laughing and lightly slapping Batman on the arm. "Oh don't be such a party-pooper, Batboob." He pulled a face. "Nothing has been stolen or damaged."

"But… the bakery… Penguin, I saw you stealing those diamonds."

"That was just a ruse to keep you from guessing about the party," Gordon explained helpfully, backed up by the freed cashier.

"And I _always_ do my shopping like that," Penguin interjected pompously.

"Shopping?"

"Yes, for your birthday present, darling. We got you something purr-fectly lovely. And I'm so glad you managed to find that note I dropped to lead you here."

"You dropped that note on purpose?"

The Riddler smacked his own forehead in a silent agony of disbelief, grinding his teeth together.

"Get back, you feline floozy," the Joker snapped, proprietarily slipping his arm through Batman's and glaring at anyone who ventured too close. "He has to see the birthday cake Riddler and I made him first." Proudly, he led Batman across the top floor of the warehouse to the other side, which was dominated by a three-tiered birthday cake of epic proportions, studded all over with candles so that it vaguely resembled a burning fairy-tale building. There was a large icing sculpture of the Joker's face perched on the top tier, looking down on everything from on high.

"It's… magnificent. Thank you."

The Riddler popped into the Caped Crusader's line of vision, reaching up to fix a party hat with 'Birthday Bat' printed on it over his cowl. "There're no sprinkles and no glace cherries, because we knew you don't like those."

"Of course, I thought it strange at the bakery when… But how -?"

"Ooh-ha-ha-ha-ha! A good villain knows _everything_ about their hero," the Joker smirked.

"Watch out, you capering clown." Striding over self-importantly, Catwoman trod down hard with her kitten heel on Joker's foot, making the criminal yowl in pain and hop back on one leg, clutching his injured body part. She smiled indulgently and nuzzled up to the bemused Batman's side, presenting him with an amateurishly wrapped present. "Batsy doesn't care about your silly old cake, he wants to see the present Pengy and I got him."

"Waugh-waugh. We made it ourselves," the short villain added, standing on tiptoe in order to light a new cigarette from one of the birthday cake's candles.

"Yes, and you'd better really like it or we'll kill you!"

In response to Batman's apprehensive look, Catwoman burst out laughing and traced the outline of the bat insignia on his chest with one long fingernail. "I'm only joking, silly. Come on now and open it."

Batman wrestled politely with the mess of wrapping paper and tape. What finally emerged quite took his breath away. "It's wonderful," he said in a slightly choked voice. "Thank you Catwoman, Penguin. What a thoughtful gift."

The other party-goers gathered around to inspect the present, all making appreciative noises.

"Riddle me this," Riddler grinned, lightly tapping the gift with one finger. "What do you get a man who has everything?" He paused for effect, but quickly continued speaking when he saw Penguin open his mouth to answer. "A diamond-studded utility belt of course!" He struck a triumphant pose, index finger stuck up in the air.

A diamond-studded utility belt was indeed what Penguin and Catwoman had given Batman. It sparkled and glittered brilliantly in the light from the candles on the birthday cake, enough to make any villain's heart ache. Known for their strength, diamonds made the perfect crime-fighting accessory.

"I shall wear it on my most special crime-fighting missions," Batman promised.

There were more presents, though none were as wonderful as the belt. Gordon and O'Haara presented the birthday-bat with an honourary police badge, there was a cape-stain removal kit from Alfred and Robin smirkingly handed over a pair of novelty Robin boxer shorts.

Mindful that the truce that had been established between law-enforcer and –breaker would be over by the next morning, when it would be back to business as usual, everyone endeavoured to make the most of the party. Jokes were swapped, dances were shared and memories were reminisced over as the party continued on into the evening. The janitor, a floor below, banged up at the ceiling with his mop handle when things began to get a little raucous, but no one took any notice of that old spoilsport. Nothing could ruin Batman's special evening.

They all danced long into the night to such popular bands such as the Monkees and Bob Dylan, even though Gordon and O'Haara had to be in at the office early. The gargantuan birthday cake candles were blown out to a rousing chorus of 'He's A Jolly Good Bat-fellow' before slices were shared around on paper party plates. Everyone agreed that Joker and Riddler had done a very good job; it was delicious.

By midnight, Robin became painstakingly aware that it was hours past his bedtime and, yawning, went to find Batman. He found him in the shadow of the giant cake, sharing a birthday kiss with Catwoman. Discreetly, he turned away and went back to join the party. The Caped Crusader never got much time off to enjoy himself, it was right to let him have one night to himself. Besides, tomorrow everything would be back to normal.


End file.
